Is it just me, or does life start drastically shifting once you hit your late 30’s? Could someone have warned me of this? Are there support groups that I do not know about?
For example.
5 minutes ago I finished an entire intro to this post. We laughed, we cried, we learned the meaning of life and then the “37 year old” portion of my brain pressed “New Post” instead of “Save Post” and poof. Into the abyss went my eloquent ponderings on why 37 is the beginning of the end.
So, I will start at the beginning of the end…again.
Hello, my name is Maria Furlough. I used pop in here on the regular and trudge through life with you, with God’s Word as our guide. But see, I functioned with this one simple standard “Maria, don’t write from a place of mental unsteadiness. Emotional unsteadiness is fine, mental unsteadiness is a no go. (warning) Its not safe to write when your brain does not work properly.”
SO, 37 hit. I waited, I waited. I released a book. (Insert here even more of an increase of psychological, mental, and emotional unrest) And so here we are! Apparently the mental instability is here to stay. Like, do you have any idea how many times it just took me to spell “psychological” correctly?
What. Is. Happening?
Here I am friends. All the me, in all my late 30’s glory and I just cannot wait one more second for sanity to come. We must update on life.
Here we go. I’m not entirely sure what is going to happen. (Pray for us).
Update #1 Meet Barry.
Barry is our new Bahamian 19 year old (we call him our kid) that is living in our home. He is here to go to college, pursue God’s plan for his life, and work hard.
Speaking of hard, does anyone have a 19 year old son? Barry told me last night, “Do you know you are easily irritated?”
Yes, Barry. Yes I do know that. But thank you for that.
The awesome thing is, clearly he is already very much a part of our family. We love him, we are pretty sure he loves us, and (as we talk about often) “We haven’t really had to do this whole teenager thing yet.”
This verse has been my wake up call every morning: Luke 14:27 “And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.”
Update #2 Little Year Grief
This year, at Christmas, I stood at my tree and sobbed looking at all those adorable little pre-school ornaments. Why do the little years go so fast? And why are they so hard when you are living them that you don’t appreciate them? And why does the passing of time hurt so so bad?
Our youngest Sammy is in his last year of pre-school. He is a strong, solid as a rock 50 pound 4 year old that I still carry on my hip.
People in public look at me and judge me. I don’t even care. The concerning part is “under” 37 year old me would just scowl at them in my mind. But I am perpetually concerned that the “over” 37 year old me is going to give that judgey person in Target a 15 minute dissertation as to why I am entitled to still carry my giant child if I so desire.
Just saying. The mental instability is for real.
Faith, my oldest child and only daughter, is now officially taller than me.
Gulp.
What does this mean? What do I do now? How do I parent children taller than I am? I’m not freaking out at all I promise. Also, Faith definitely did not roll her eyes at her crazy ranting Mom about “how it seems like you were a baby just one single minute ago, and now you are going to drive and leave for college in another single minute and you can’t leave me alone with all these boys, yadda yadda.”
Unstable. Told you.
Update #3 Friends and Ministry are GOOD.
Back in April I began working at my church as the Missions Leader. It is such a sweet example of how God knows us even better than we know ourselves. I work 20 hours a week while my kiddos are in school, and I get to do the work that God has created me to do. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so home.
This January we sent out two young women onto the Missions Field (Lindsay White and Sammi Jo Sharp) and here is a picture of an impromptu prayer time that may or may not have taken place after a flash mob on Lindsay’s front yard.
Side note, there are some perks about your “over” 37 give a dang becoming busted. Flash Mobs become way more probable. I’m counting that as a huge win.
And the women in this prayer picture (and in the unpictured flash mob) are the women in my discipleship group who I have been meeting with on a weekly basis since last January. You want your life to change? Make the commitment to meet with a group of Godly people every week for a year. See what happens.
Also, between you and me, we thought “discipleship group” was unfitting so we changed our names to Babes for Christ. You can borrow the name, you know you want to.
Update #4 Counseling and Amazing Resources
Mmmkay, so (in case you haven’t already gotten wind) these past few months have really been rocking me. Its almost like I completely lost my footing and couldn’t figure out where to stand.
Who am I really?
Who do I want to be?
Who is God calling me to be?
Its like with the aging process came a new war within. At some point you just realize you don’t have the endurance or desire to do things that you have been doing out of obligation for years.
You get tired of people pleasing. Things start to drop, either because you plain old forgot to do them or because you made the intentional choice to let something die. And then you stand there trying to figure out “is this awesome or is this terrible?”
I couldn’t decide so I finally decided to start going to counseling.
It has been awesome. Difficult yes, and also a lot like an episode of taxi cab confessionals, but good.
Also during this season God has sent some pretty beautiful resources my way. It was an especially sweet “manna moment” when on the day when I felt most down and depressed, God showed up on my doorstep in the form of the book “In Want and Plenty.” The words of those pages have been like balm to my freaking out and aging soul.
Also this one came, and I’m oober excited about it because our church is always looking for ways to draw near to Christ during Lent. And its beautiful, and ya know what? Sometimes when you are feeling down, pretty things make you smile.
Well, five hundred thousand words later I think I done.
I’d still love that manual if you have one though. Also your grace. Also your prayers.